I'm Not Waving, I'm Drowning
What my experience with my son has taught me about being seen and asking for help
We might be hardwired for connection, but like most wiring, we tend to short-circuit when we get into deep water. Heartbreak and grief, shame and despair, physical illness or mental illness, lost jobs or lost loved ones are all deep waters that pull us under. Once below the surface, opening our mouths to yell for help comes with the fear that the gushing water around us will fill our lungs. Anyone who ever tried to scream underwater at the pool as a child knows that the sounds never make it to the surface anyway. Those surface dwellers—friends, family, neighbors—are in another dimension from those sinking in despair. There is under the water and above the water. Like a disoriented diver, we can suddenly lose our sense of direction, panic, and swim further into the depths instead of swimming to the surface. Against all odds, we must try to fight off the panic that would sink us further and, instead, reach out our hands and break the surface to be pulled up.
For nearly a year, I watched my son slip below the surface into the waters of deteriorating
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Renee’s Substack to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.